TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES REVIEW

To anyone who is ranting about the Batman Vs Superman casting, I have a new movie for you to sink you teeth into. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES. This movie dumbs down the original films and cartoons, and while not as bad as Michael Bay's TRANSFORMERS 4, because he was it's producer, I have no doubt he is to blame for this horrific tale of mutant crime fighters. In the effort of full disclosure, I should let you know, I was a HUGE fan of this show. I had the legos, and the costumes, and the action figures, heck I even had the fake weapons. My friends and I ran around with the colored masks and turtle backpacks. We sang the theme song. We loved it. So when I saw that there was going to be a new one, and they produced a teaser trailer that didn't make me scared, I really did have high hopes for it. But once again, the editor that cuts trailers for Michael Bay fooled me again. This was AWFUL. No lets talk about the story.

For those who don't know, TMNT were created in the sewers of New York, where they touched radioactive goo, and became the mutant crime fighters we know and love. Under the tutelage of their sensei Master Splinter, they become what the city needs. Their biggest nemesis is a crime lord named Shredder, who has his own Ninja clan, and together they commit crimes all over New York that the TMNT have to solve. The story line is awful. You just don't care that the Shredder is destroying New York, because with people like Megan Fox's April O'Neil, you would be quite happy to let him take over. as with the first Transformer films, she walks around getting the snot kicked out of her, and yet never looks bad. Her line readings are boring, and we are supposed to be believe in a budding relationship between her and, "ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT'S" Will Arnett. And its sad, but unfortunately since his brilliant portrayal of Lego Batman, I can't listen to his voice without him sounding like he is back in that film. He is also WAY too old to be playing her boyfriend cause the only thing Megan Fox has going for her is she still looks about twenty years old and Arnett is 40 if he's a day. And William Fichtner... well as George Takei says, "Oh My." That guys trying to get an Oscar. That was the most over acting I have seen in a long time.  Whoopi Goldberg is on for 5 minutes and you can basically tell she is there to collect a pay check cause she probably didn't work longer than a day, and most likely made more than the director.  Predictability and plot twists that ended up being stupid are this films biggest problems however. The only okay things about the film were the actors who played the turtles were decent, the action is shot well, and within the short time length of the film some of the scenes the turtles were in were kind of entertaining. Other than that, director Jonathan Liebesman and Producer Michael Bay have taken a giant doodoo on my childhood.

THE VERDICT

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has an awful script and poor acting jobs by Fox, Arnett and Fictner. Scenes with the turtles can't save the day or the movie for that matter.  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles gets a D+.